Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Portrait of an IUI



I'm not a huge selfie person, but there, flat on my back on an exam room table, alone after an IUI, I felt a strange need to document the moment. Unkempt hair and all. And so I did.

The last few weeks have been full of hormones. The HCG shot I was so worried about doing at home wasn't nearly as bad as I made it out to be. Embarrassingly, getting the instructions at the doctor's office the day prior was by far the worst part. When I say that, what I actually mean is that I almost passed out when the nurse walked us through the process of how to do it. While standing up and getting the shot site marked on my butt with a permanent marker, I got lightheaded and had to lay down. I've always been that person who can't stand to hear about needles; no matter that there wasn't a needle in sight.

The next night, when it was time to actually DO the shot, I'd been anxious all day about it and ended up calling our neighbor, a nurse practitioner. She was more than happy to do it, and it eased my anxiety somewhat to at least know that the needle was in the hands of a professional (vs. my husband). The actual shot? I hardly felt it at all. It seems that I may have blown the whole thing out of proportion, thankfully. But at least now I know.

The IUI we had a day and a half later is a fairly straightforward procedure, and while it brings some discomfort, it doesn't last long. Once the speculum is in and the catheter placed, I count to 15 or so while the goods are pushed up through it. Then it's all done, and I'm left alone to my own devices for 15 minutes with my hips slightly elevated.  As the minutes tick by, I wonder about what's happening in there. What's going to happen in there, or not. My thoughts aren't nearly as straightforward as the procedure and the structured timing of events leading up to this day. Is the timing right? Is it crazy to take drugs and do trigger shots? What if we're not meant to have more kids? What if it doesn't work? What if it does? What if it works too well and we end up with more than one in there?

And now we're in the wait, which, if there's anything sure to slow time down, it's having to wait for something, isn't it?

Posting is likely to be light over the next week. I am loving this 31 day challenge, but I have a few longer stories I want to get out that aren't going to get written in a day (though I'll be still be writing every day, just not posting).  Between that, working, and snuggling my new niece, not to mention spending time with my own people...well, choices. Life's all about them, you know?

2 comments:

  1. I love seeing posts like this. Brutal honesty about infertility is exactly what women need more of. Keep it up!

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    1. Thank you, Holly! I look at being able to write about it honestly as a cheaper option than therapy. :) And it's a big bonus to know that someone else might get some encouragement out of reading it.

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